no perfect marriage
It’s Monday. Whether we were ready or not, the week has started up again. Father Time didn’t ask for our opinion, he simply did what he does best – pass. (Get it? Pass time! I thought it was clever.)
Maybe you’re thinking I’m talking about our jobs. Instead I’m talking about our marriages.
Marriages are hard work. I didn’t get a set of instructions when I got my marriage license. No one offered me cliff notes on what to do and not to do or what to say and not to say. My pre-marital counseling classes didn’t really prepare me for the marriage journey I started.
The bottom line is that a lot of people offer advice on marriages, but that doesn’t mean their marriages are perfect. We all struggle from time to time in living together. Every couple has arguments and fights. Just because one couple’s marriage may seem great, doesn’t mean it is or always is.
So take it from one pastor who doesn’t have a perfect marriage – just because marriage can be tough from time to time doesn’t mean we have to give up. We can choose to not be quite so selfish each day. We can choose to fight for the relationship rather than against it. We can choose to love.
I am not married yet. I haven’t given up even though I have just entered the 4th decade. But I am learning that I need to be open to who it is God would have picked out for my life because the guy He has for me will be who is best. And when He brings someone into my life to be a friend to just enjoy that friendship and not wonder if he is the one otherwise I will miss out on the great funny moments that we have (I am speaking from an experience I am going through now – gotta just enjoy the moments with this new friend of mine). And if you want to pray for my future husband that would be awesome
i am definitely praying for you. God definitely knows the desires of your heart…
//My pre-marital counseling classes didn’t really prepare me for the marriage journey I started.//
Ahh… but I’ve quickly been noticing in my friends marriages, whose that DID do pre-marital counseling (most specifically at their church) have made it through many rough patches. A majority (not all, but most) of those that didn’t have any counseling have since gotten divorced. It saddens me every time I hear of another marriage ending.
As for me and my husband, our strongest point is always to just communicate. Talk to each other. Keep a pulse on the “state of the union.” It’s carried us through and helped keep potential big issues be “nipped in the bud” before they get too big.
Though. You know. I’ve found the silent treatment to work pretty good on occasion, too.
hehe
But in all seriousness, I’m a big fan of going to separate corners for awhile, THEN addressing an issue when emotions aren’t so high. Sure helps keep you from saying something you wish you could take back.
“Marriages are hard work.” AMEN, AMEN and AMEN!!!!
Our marriage has gotten really difficult at times and I have to remember that I made a promise…to God, my dear hubs and in front of 150 people! “For better OR worse!”
I would not trade these 21 yrs for anything, though!!! Seriously!
great observation denise. i agree. pastoral counseling definitely makes a difference. if nothing else, helping decide if the marriage should actually happen or not. definitely letting emotions die down when their high is best…
haha. so great to hear! congrats on being married for 21 yrs!
Here is what someone told me when about marriage….”Don’t do it”
So far, I have made it to 23 without getting married, I guess it was good advice.
kyle, you are hilarious. i wish you lived in nashville! let’s find a way to hang again…
Matt, on it, well maybe one day I will be on it.
Or we could sell some organs and take that money and give it to your church and then I could work with you.
But yes, we do need to hang again. You never know what could happen though.
no doubt. i’ll see if i can find someone to take a liver. have any black market connections? i’ll try to find a way to get up to st. louis and speak soon…
Not funny advice, but the advice that has help us was to Keep God in the marriage. Not church, even though we had plenty of that, my husband was music minister for 40 years, but God. We made a covenant to each other and before God and we have been faithful to that covenant. What God joins, with his help, no man can divide.
Secondly, the advice was to find and keep a large circle of friends. 3 Kinds: 1. Keep those that you can encourage and help along life’s spiritual journey, then you are not so focused on yourself. 2. Keep those friends that are friends that are like you with similar beliefs, likes and dislikes. You can just be yourself and you all understand each other. 3) But most importantly seek out those friends that are more mature and that are true to God. They will challenge you to move to the next level of spirituality.
Marriage is work. But how many of you would purchase a car and expect to drive it a life time without changing the oil, washing and waxing, refueling, new batteries, tires etc. It is a constant thing, keeping a car in shape. But it pays off in the long run. So it is with marriage.
Celebrated my 37 yr in marriage to my best friend and soul mate. And yes I would do it all over again. For us there were options but not divorce. We always by the Grace to God, worked things out.
Kyle, it is worth it and I highly recommend it. You just haven’t found the right person. Plenty of girls in NC.
By the way….Forgot to mention. You do not throw away the car just because you had a tire to blow out. Just fix the tire and get back on the road. Love all you young folk. Have fun living life.