Matthew Costner

Today’s been a hard day. I woke up early to get to my first meeting at 8:00, and then spent the next several hours casting vision and sharing dreams about Valley View (the church I pastor) to the folks I was meeting with. I left to rush home to have 2 more phone meetings, and then the last phone call that I was going to make was to my dad to get him to pray for the things that I have felt heavily called to participate in and hopefully get my church to participate in. Enter here the conversation that no one wants to hear… My dad informed me that a dear friend to him and our family committed suicide.

Now to be blunt with you, he wasn’t my best friend. I can count the times on both hands that I’ve talked with him, but he was good to my dad – real good. My dad has undergone brain and open-heart surgery, and in both of those major times in his life, our family friend was there to support and encourage him. When my dad needed a friend, he was there.

And I guess that’s why I’m as sad as I am over his sudden and tragic death. A good man that helped others, at the time he possibly needed it most, had no one around to help him. I don’t blame anyone that this happened – our friend suffered from major depression. He was even getting help! BUT help wasn’t there when he needed it. Or possibly in my attempt to stretch to understand his thought process, help was there – just not in a way that anyone with normal thoughts and feelings would be thinking of.

But this angers me and truthfully makes me want to vomit! What possibly could go through someone’s mind where they truly believe that the only way things could be better is to end it all? What has to happen for death to truly seem better than life? And even more complex than that, how can our brains actually convince us that death is a solution to any problem? And… why do we make it a solution?

Anyway, this afternoon I posted on Twitter and Facebook to remember my family and all those affected by this morning’s bad news. Strangely, I was met with tons of individuals that could relate to knowing someone who has ended their own life. Literally, as I read the stories that were similar and even heard stories of others within the past several days that have lost loved ones, my heart grew increasingly heavy and my eyes filled with tears. Before I knew it I was lost and overwhelmed with the realization that we truly live in a broken and hurting world.

In that moment of agonizing reality, it was clear that everyone has a story. And if we’re honest about that story, there is a lot of pain had, a lot of tears shed, and our hearts have been broken. You know, I can’t begin to imagine some of the painful experiences that some of you have had. And for what it’s worth, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you have experienced loss and have felt the pain of losing friends, families, and even dreams.

And as much as I want to wrestle with the question, “why do bad things happen to good people?” I think that’s the wrong question for me to be asking at this time. Possibly at any time. I think the question I should ask is “when bad things, happen how am I going to respond?” Maybe that’s the question we all need to ask ourselves. For me, I’m going to forgive the world for not being perfect, I’m going to seek greater ways to reach out to the people around me, and I’m going to keep living a hopeful life.

This doesn’t mean I’m not going to mourn. I am, and I will. To not mourn essentially means to not deal with something. However, what it does mean and what my prayer for my life is, is that I’ll place my hope in Christ, His blood and righteousness, that “I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name. When darkness seems to hide His face,
I’ll rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil. His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay. When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne. On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.”

Heavenly Father, be merciful to Your children. When the world is calling our names, may our spirit shriek at anything that isn’t of You. Keep us safe Lord Jesus. Be our strength when we are weak, and may we never forget the promise that in this world we will see and experience hard times, but that we don’t have to fear, for You have overcome the world. You have defeated death, and made a way where we can live life abundantly and fully not just after we die, but now – in this very moment. And for that, thank you Jesus. Thank you, that by Your blood, we are healed. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

For more information regarding depression and suicide please click HERE.