Is your pastor a prisoner?
Recently I’ve had a hard time blogging (as if you can’t tell from it being over 2 weeks since my last post). I don’t know why really except to say that I’ve been spending tons of time with my wife and trying to focus on what matters most in life, my relationship with God. But during this time of an unannounced, unplanned sabbatical, I have watched and read blogs about people who have written about how they have let their blogs feed their ego and control their self-worth.
I have prayed that the same wouldn’t happen to me. So far, I can say it hasn’t. But what I can say is that my Twitter account has controlled a lot of my self-esteem. And even now as I type this, a part of me hopes that some of you who don’t have a Twitter account will go get one and add me to your friend lists. I don’t have many Twitter friends (compared to some others) but I have enough that when I post this blog on my Twitter account several hundred will read it. In a weird way that kind of makes me want to vomit and it also makes me happy.
As I have thought about Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace (my primary social networking sites) I have come to the conclusion that what makes me love these three tools so much is that I love community. I can’t get enough of it! In reality though, normal people want to be in community and that’s why so many people spend so much time on these social sites! Like the cartoon indicates, many people (pastors being a large portion of those) find engaging the people in their church a huge obstacle and so they use the internet to find their community.
But truth be told, it’s hard as a pastor to be in community with the people at your church. Alyson and I are intentionally having to make some big decisions (move closer to the church, etc.) to help create the kind of community we long for. Yet most of the time the people around us don’t seem to want us at their parties, cookouts, etc. For some reason, I truly believe that many people think pastors actually care about what they serve or talk about at their house. Pastors are normal people (we aren’t perfect by any means) and if yours has made you feel like he isn’t normal, then I would suggest finding another church! I mean I would be lying if I said I always sat around my house and thought of holy things!
I realize people in my congregation are going to read this and think I’m talking about them. And for the most part, I’m not. The people at my church are great. We have our issues and problems for sure, but they actually invite me and want me to come to stuff – sometimes too often. But this isn’t just about me it’s about your pastor too.
Any pastor worth their grain of salt wants to be a part of your life in some fashion. If they don’t, then they aren’t pastors! Why would you want to let someone speak into your life, if they don’t really care about your life? You wouldn’t! But don’t be offended if they can’t spend four hours with you on Sunday afternoon, or any other time. Pastors have families that they need to take care of, but they also need community – and this goes beyond their “blood” family. No one can live in isolation and survive, and that includes your pastor. If you don’t believe me, ask any prisoner!
The problem with pastor’s and isolation is that, unlike prisoners, most pastors didn’t make horrible choices to put them in the position of being isolated. Instead, they courageously responded to the call of the Lord and now the devil is using some good meaning, church loving individuals to make them pay for it. Don’t let the devil use you as an accomplice in his handiwork. Make the decision today, to do your part in keeping your pastor in community and away from isolation.
Matthew, good post, good reminder, and good perspective. Often times, I have been guilty of viewing a pastor as unapproachable mainly because I don’t want to “slip” up in front of him. This is a good reminder to be more intentional about engaging my pastor(s) outside of church.
Wow. This resonates big time. I am the wife of a pastor and we are very lonely. We love our church so much but we don’t really fit in. We are left out of a lot of things in the community. I’m not really sure why because I think we are really cool people
Ahhh…there is little doubt that you’re a man of deep sensitivity. Your church are truly blessed to have you care for them.
Bless you guys. I count it an honor to know you in some small way.
TJW – thanks bro. keep being authentically you. you hang around a pastor long enough and you will see that they may slip up before you do. we truly are all human.
Laura – thanks for being honest. we think we’re cool too.
Andi – You rock man, thanks for supporting me despite my faults!
Matthew, I thought that I had responded to you earlier. Guess I didn’t post the comment. I wrote a blog in response to your blog. Life’s Lesson via the Turkey Trot. at http://www.patsycostner.blogspot.com. I is a lonely road sometime but the reward at the end of the road is worth it all. Keep your head high and your eyes focuses on the finish line. I have your back.
Good post, you dont know me. But your right the devil tries to use people closest to you to bring you down.
Chrck out my blog, I am a 20 year old Missionary/Student living in Brasil, been here since I was 19. Here’s my blog. Enjoy http://passion4brasil.blogspot.com/