Trust and Jesus, or Trust Jesus
Hey all, I’m so sorry that it has been awhile since I have written. I have been so busy writing some devotions I am hoping to get published, I was out on the road this weekend preaching, and as most of you know I am working at a church here in Nashville too now. However, I guess busy is good because I’m getting my bills paid, and that is a good thing, right?
As hard as traveling and preaching is, I really love it. I love meeting new people and getting to talk about life. As I was telling the congregation this morning, life is hard and at least for me, I am always sitting around guessing what it all means or is supposed to mean. Recently, my times out preaching have been closer to my home in North Carolina, so I have been able to drive to the places I am going. While driving I get to have a lot of quiet time, which is nice, and I get to stop along the way in random spots and meet even more new people.
It’s funny but when I am out about town, or on the road, it seems to shock people that I am a preacher. I guess they aren’t expecting a preacher to have shaggy hair and be smacking on some sort of gum that is supposed to make his teeth whiter. However, I love it when I am done preaching and people come up to me and talk with me about how they think I defy stereotypes. It seems like people always have something nice to say, but then I usually wonder if they meant it or if they are just being nice.
One of my many issues is that I have a hard time trusting people. Trying to psychoanalyze myself, I think I don’t trust because in the far past I wasn’t as trustworthy as I should have been, and in the recent past the people that I have tried to get close to weren’t as trustworthy as they portrayed themselves either (not everyone, but some). However, the combination of all that makes it hard for me to trust others, and sometimes that even comes out in my trust with God. I like to say I trust God, but I have to ask myself if I really trust God with my life if I don’t fully rest in His promises that He WILL take care of me.
I don’t want to admit this, but sometimes I have a hard time with taking what I read in the Bible and truly believing it. I believe it, but my actions don’t always line up with what I say I believe. For instance, as I just stated, I trust God, but I worry about my life. Those things don’t line up. Or how about this, I read what Jesus says for me to do and I believe it and think it is great, but I don’t do it. I guess the question for me comes then if I truly find Jesus authoritative? If not, then why wouldn’t I obey his command? I mean, when my mom and dad tell me to do something I do it. Why? Because they are an authority in my life.
I read different passages in Mark and I get so frustrated with myself and my life. Jesus was there with them! And to some extent they knew He was different. In Mark 1:21-22, we see where Jesus walked into the temple began preaching and when He was finished the people were astonished at how well He did. He spoke with authority, the people said, and weren’t like the scribes (or the other preachers who read the scrolls). This whole authority thing just gets to me. I mean even earlier in the book of Mark when Jesus walked by Simon, Andrew, James, and John, they left what they were doing immediately to follow Jesus. Did they know that Jesus had some authority? If not, then why would they have left!?
It’s like everybody thus far knew Jesus was different. They didn’t know exactly what it was about Him, but they knew He was different. The way He taught and spoke and lived in other words, commanded attention. Now, honestly I don’t know how that all fits with my whole spill earlier about meeting people and trust, etc., but this is what it boils down to for me. If Jesus has the authority that the people of old portrayed He had, then why don’t we see Jesus as an authoritative person today? If we do, then why don’t we live like it?
I’m not trying to get on to anyone other than myself here. Honestly, I am super busy with work and trying to live this thing called life, and I still have issues when it comes to authority. I wonder if I am so worried about authority and trust because when I seem to let people have some sort of authority over me I end up getting hurt. That has to be it. But here’s the thing Jesus isn’t here to hurt us. If anything He loves us more than we ever could have hoped for or deserved. He’s the one that left the many to come find us, He’s the one that when it came to pay the price for our sin, He did NOT hesitate.
I love you Jesus. Forgive me for not always being who I need to be and trusting in you as I should.
Matt, it’s Danny from Vandy here. Just began to really set aside time to read your blog here, and I must say I am impressed with the work you’re putting into this. It takes a lot to be able to pour your heart out and I appreciate it.
I am glad to see you enjoy traveling. I can honestly say the greatest joy of my life is visiting new places, seeing new things, meeting new people and just experiencing everything possible. To me, that is what life is all about, to put yourself out in the wide world to discover new things outside of yourself and both within yourself.
I also agree, I was taken aback when you first told me you were a preacher. You are young first of all, and seem like an average cool dude. I definitely agree you defy the stereotype, and I’m not just being nice!
I think we all come to the point where we sometimes doubt our beliefs, but the thing is we are all human, and none of us are perfect. If you followed blindly, that would be bad in my opinion. The fact that you have the ability to doubt and still follow shows your strength.
I hope you’re doing well and keep up the good work, I will be looking at your past blogs to read and will drop some comments, so be on the lookout. Good luck and may God bless you.
– Danny