Matthew Costner

I have to admit to you that I am a sensitive dude, and since life is hard stuff, then I tend to drop a few tears every now and again. I just can’t help it. I feel like everywhere I turn I hear story after story of people’s lives being hard and their hearts hurting, and that bothers me. I seemingly don’t know how to do or watch anything and not attach feelings. If I take the time to talk to someone then I become attached to some extent. I begin praying for that person, and caring about what happens in their life. I know it sounds silly to some extent, and not that I care to the extent you may be thinking, but I at least hope and want good things for the people I meet and talk to.

The thing I get most teary eyed over though is when I start talking about my life and family and God’s interaction with all that. As much as I get angry and annoyed at my family, I love them. No, I’m crazy about them. They are my support, and they love me no matter how much I screw up. I know what you’re thinking, that I seem like a big cry-baby, but I’m really not. I can drop a tear, but I’m not a cry baby.

If anything I think it is good to show emotion. Obviously there can be a point where it is too much emotion and sensitivity, but for the most part, I think it is great when someone can show emotions or at least passion about something. In my defense, I can’t imagine living life and knowing Christ and not at least getting emotional about that. If anything we should be in tears daily for what Christ has done for all of us. After all, Christ death is what brings us to the point that we can face God at all.

No wonder the demon in Mark 1:23-24 cried out to God and said leave us alone. Not only did the demon know Christ and want to live and dwell in the man in the synagogue, but commentators (people who know everything about the Scripture) say that the “us” the demon refers to is all the demons because the demon in the story knew that Jesus can completely wipe every demon out. Isn’t that interesting? The demon cried out to God to basically “save” him and the rest of the demons from Christ. The problem for the demon was that he wanted to be saved, but he didn’t want to follow. So Jesus showed no remorse in verse 25.

I can’t help but think of all the junk in my life and how I cry out for Christ to save me from it but sometimes nothing really happens. This Scripture makes me really think hard about my desires as a Christian. I mean, do I want to be saved, but I am not willing to give up my issues? Isn’t that basically what the demon was wrestling with? He wanted to be saved, but he didn’t really want to turn from what he was doing wrong; making the body he dwelled in become whole.

I was talking with a friend last night who was talking about all the things in his life that he has pursued: women, jobs, money, playing on the lake, etc. but the one thing he never had really pursued until recent was being righteous. What my friend was basically saying is that he wasn’t just going to ask Jesus to “save” him anymore; he wanted Jesus to change him. You know, that is what I want too. I don’t want to just be saved, I want to be changed. I don’t want to be like the demon who knows Christ, I want to be like the one who follows Christ leaving all that “was and is” behind.

As I sit here on my bed, freezing I might add, I can’t help but drop a few more tears. I’m so tired of being “that” guy. You know, the one who acts like he has it all together but doesn’t. The fact of the matter is as much stuff as I feel like I deal with and have dealt with, etc. Christ came to give me peace and hope. He came to give you the same. Whatever you are dealing with, whatever seems to be heavy on your heart now, Christ didn’t just come to save you from it; He came to heal you from it. You don’t have to go to Him, He came to you. So cry out! Christ is there…

One of my favorite bands, Third Day wrote a song, entitled Cry Out To Jesus. It get’s me every time, if you know what I mean. Listen to it, (or read it at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/thirdday/cryouttojesus.html), buy it, and go see them in concert (they are out with Jars of Clay right now)! Here’s their link… http://www.thirdday.com/

Are we still in this together? I don’t believe anybody can change on their own. I really don’t. We have to have each other and we have to have Christ. Since Christ is already here, I guess I am trying to say, I am here too. See you all soon.