only human
Last night I went to the new Pei Wei in Green Hills (in Nashville) with a friend. Like most conversations when the two of us get together we quickly started talking about a lot of theology and life and how to sort of combine the two. One of the topics although not planned was simply dealing around masks that we as people wear.
For instance, I am the kind of person who wants to meet everybody’s expectations. So what ends up happening when I am asked questions I am not ready for is that I either don’t tell everything about my life and how I am truly feeling, I end up telling someone what they want to hear, or I just don’t say anything at all. I don’t really know why I do this although I genuinely want people to like me.
Ok, if you didn’t know, this isn’t good for me to do. I truly want to be an authentic person around everybody. I want to write, talk, preach, and live authentically! But can I? Or, better yet are my family, my community, and society ready for me? Not that I am living some crazy double life, but I’m not always as honest with how I feel about God, my hobbies, what’s going on in my head, or my life, etc. The truth of the matter is none of us are, and that really bothers me.
I hate the fact that there is a great chance I will walk up and meet probably 5-10 new and old friends today and when I say “how are you?” they will answer great, only to be torn apart on the inside with something on their mind and/or bothering them. What I hate more than that is that many of my new friends after finding out that I am a preacher won’t want to go any further and tell me what’s really going on in their life, and similarly, nor would they want to go to a church and tell because of fearing being judged.
I think I have blogged on this similarly in the past, but this is a real burden on my heart. Why can’t we all be really honest with where we are and how we understand God and Scripture and then go from there on how to live this Christian life? My problem is that I am so scared about my reputation and what people will think of me for saying things like “I don’t know if God is really good” (thinking here about all the starving kids in Africa, the holocaust, etc.) or at least if He fits under my or Merriam-Websters definition of good. I can agree that God is Holy, but for right now that is about all I can give Him. Nonetheless, my reputation of being a “good Christian” or a “Godly” man may be jeopardized for saying such statements!
My friend reminded me last night that Jesus didn’t really worry about His reputation. He came to do God’s business and did it how He felt He needed to. The truth of the matter for Jesus is that His reputation is still being questioned today almost 2,000 years after His death. There are television programs, documentaries, etc. trying to prove that Jesus didn’t do many of the things that the Bible is proclaiming, and astonishingly through it all, Jesus is still proven to be who the Bible says He is. To put it more bluntly, Jesus completely left His reputation in God’s hands, and God didn’t let Jesus down. Now, I know this, so why then is it so hard for me, and seemingly many other people in this world, to do the same?
Maybe you’re thinking well we are only human, and I agree, but I think that is a lame excuse for not allowing ourselves to become the people God intended – people fully trusting in God working to better God’s kingdom. Being completely honest is a scary thing because it involves trusting (this is not something I do well). Moreover, many individuals would say that we relate and see God how we relate and see each other. I don’t want to see and relate to God how I relate with many of the people I meet, I want to trust God fully and see God in a new light. Ugh! I know we are going to have to hit this with some baby steps, but I’m ready! Are you?